yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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