a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
