we have officially lost it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
