Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize