Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
