**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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