you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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