I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
