If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
