I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.