Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
