I'm passing your future prison.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box