There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?