Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found a bag of teeth...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.