by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.