She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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