so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
