ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
