afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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