eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
