He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
