don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
