It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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