Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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