um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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