oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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