Cold hands, warm shart.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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