I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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