is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
