So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
