I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's like heaven, but drunker
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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