You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
