New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
