Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
