You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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