Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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