No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
