Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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