I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
