he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
