can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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