my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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