I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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