I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
