even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
