Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fuck appropriateness.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
