I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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