He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
