it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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