someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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