toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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