Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
