So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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