ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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