he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
