i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize