Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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