The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
