We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
