is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think my fart just growled at me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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