Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
