The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
