Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
