you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
