Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
