I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
