i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
