At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize