Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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