Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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