I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
