Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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